Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
