i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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