what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
