On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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