I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
