OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
