Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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