my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
