i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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