I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
