i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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