Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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