what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
