i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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