dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
