Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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