My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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