UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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