your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
don't judge my taste in strippers
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
