If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
