I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
