fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
