Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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