There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
