Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
