By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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