i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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