Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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