He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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