Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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