How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
