He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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