3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
He better not be in your backpack
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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