and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Terrible idea I love it
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
