If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
