I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
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