Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
