This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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