Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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