1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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