she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
