Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
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