Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
as a side note pls kill me
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
