he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
