For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
