I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
