well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
