singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
