i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
