Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
